I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
