if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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