So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
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Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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