I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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