Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
