I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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