Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
