I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
