I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it glows. i had to have it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
