There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
