i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
