thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
