That's intense
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
