Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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