no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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