Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
