when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
