Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
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11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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