U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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