Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
