I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
