can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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