1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
