This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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