he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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