I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
