your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I will pee on everything he values.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
