i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
