Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
