Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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