Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
