White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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