i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
