I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
