she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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