I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
