Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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