areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
