she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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