ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
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So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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