I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
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Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize