Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
