found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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