oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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