I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
