4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize