i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
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you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
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She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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