I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
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When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
the raccoons are back...
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