Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
