Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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