false alarm. still invincible.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize