The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
