why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
