Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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