I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
