Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Panties = found
Randomize
