My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Girls should come with a carfax report
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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