did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
