Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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