I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
