I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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