if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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