my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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