but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
