After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
