I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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