Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
