Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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