M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
