True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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