So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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