i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
