it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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