Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
