Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
